From that first kiss with Francine, Naila knew that there was something queer about her unconditional desires to remain in the passionate bliss of their relationship. However, her desire for Francine overwhelmed her and she could not help but engage in the devilish act. When the time came for Francine to return to her home country, Belgium, Naila was devastated but relieved as she knew this would be the only way she would part from damnation.
Seven years had passed since she had indulged herself in her poison apple and she was in her first relationship and engaged to Muktabar. Muktabar was a young Muslim man that had just graduated from a prestigious university in the USA and had returned in Rwanda with the sole purpose of marrying Naila. Muktabar was successful, handsome and a man of the world, he was the idealistic husband and everyone in Naila’s life was ecstatic for their union. Predictably, Naila was the only one who dreaded their union, due to her utter disgust at the thought of enduring his lips on hers for her lifespan, let alone consummating with him. Naila loved Muktabar dearly, but she was sure that he was her best friend, not her heart’s desire. “Will you wait until I get a university degree so that I too can prosper in life, then we can be together my love?” Naila requested. Muktabar cherished Naila’s passion for education and could not hesitate to support her by delaying their marriage.
Muktabar returned to the USA to continue to run a business as he waits for Nalia’s graduation, while Naila ran away to Gisenyi for studies to not face the disappointment she caused her family by not marrying Muktabar. Therein, Naila met Deborah, the love of her life. It was a breezy and sunny Sunday when Naila was by the Gisenyi beach with her friends when she saw the most beautiful girl in the world, Deborah. Deborah was wearing a loose, flowery, white dress that created an eye-catching view next to the beach; her shimmering black afro moved to where the wind was blowing and at that moment, Naila knew then and there, that romantic scenes in the movies have been a reality for some people on earth. Naila did her best to calm her nerves and heartbeat but it was too late, Naila had experienced love at first sight and had finally admitted to herself that her occasional yearnings for a woman were not illusions, she too had the ‘illness’ of the ‘gays’.
Naila had spent days sulking and sorrowful due to the realization of her sexuality and it was beginning to take a toll on her studies. She was a tough, resilient feminist and would not allow her life to be extinguished by the damned sexuality. She knew she could not keep her feelings for women, specifically Deborah, at bay. Therefore, she allowed herself to indulge in them privately, it was after all nobody else’s business. The year she spent secretly loving Deborah was the most beautiful and exciting time she had experienced in her life. With each day Deborah’s smile would get brighter, her skin would glow more, her hips would grow wider, her breasts would grow firmer, and their love would grow deeper; this was their bliss and sadly their doom.
Deborah began requesting for commitment in their relationship and this terrified Naila because unlike Deborah, Naila knew that she could never to admit to anyone else but her lover, that she was lesbian. Naila broke up with Muktabar, hoping it would satisfy her dear Deborah, but Deborah still wanted more. Deborah was out of the closet with many of her close friends and family, and she wanted to express and share the news of her love for Naila with her people. Naila would not have it! She would not bite off what she could not chew.
Months passed after their break up and Naila was miserable. She hated everything about her life, her conservative Muslim family that would rather die than hear that their sweet, promising Naila was a lesbian, Rwanda for not acknowledging or supporting LGBT and her dear Deborah for leaving her. Naila hated everything about herself. Naila had begun finding life hopeless and she began abusing drugs lessen her gloom.
Years have passed and Naila has just graduated from university and returned back home for a visit. Muktabar still loves Naila wants their plans to get married after university to be implemented and sadly, her family knows this and are desperately pleading that Naila goes through with the marriage. Naila cannot stand her family anymore, she is saving up to move abroad to a country that supports LGBT rights and cut her family off. Despite her detestation for her family and country, she is still terrified consequences that will follow after her family and her country finds out about her sexuality.